Brave Dancing
by Lavenderangel
Summary: AU. A story exploring what could have been if Alex had been more than a glorified extra, and if the fight between Paige and Ashley were never resolved in season two.
1. prologue

Author's notes: In this universe, season one of Degrassi took place when the eighth graders on the show (Paige, Spinner, etc) were in ninth grade. Everything happened as it did in cannon, with Ashley getting frozen out by her friends completely in the beginning of sophomore year, which spanned the length of season two. Shout and **How Soon is Now **never took place, so Ashley never made up with Paige, et al. Marco is friends with Jimmy and Spinner, but never became close with Ellie. Aside from the prologue, this story takes place in 2004, when all of the main characters (of which Marco is not) are in the second semester of eleventh grade.

**Prologue: November, 2003**

"Hey."

A hand abruptly caught Alex's wrist. She whipped around, instinctive aggression blazing in her eyes. Being grabbed was never the precursor to anything good.

"What?" The word was a snarl, and she pulled her arm free. The grip hadn't been tight, but Alex instantly felt less panicky. God, of course the grip hadn't been tight, queen bee Paige had been the one to grab her.

"No need to freak out, jeez." Paige held up her hands, acting as though wanting to talk to Alex was perfectly natural.

"What do you want?" Alex wasn't sure why she bothered to ask, rather than simply leaving. In contrast to Paige's chipper chirp, Alex's retort was a low growl. They were alone in the girls room, and by the way Paige's eyes were looking anywhere but at her, Alex thought she would be easily intimidated.

"Um. Paige faltered, twisting the strap of her bag around an index finger. Alex wasn't aware that word was part of the priss dictionary. Alex rolled her eyes, suddenly almost enjoying this surreal encounter. Seeing people squirm was fun, particularly when they were above you on the social totem pole.

"It's Ellie," Paige blurted out. Alex blinked.

"What about her?" Alex had seen Ellie less than twenty minutes ago during lunch, scrambling to half ass her math homework while talking emo bands with Ashley. As far as Alex knew, Paige would never willingly keep tabs on either of them.

Paige's voice went up an octave, and she looked over alex's shoulder as she explained in a rush: "She's… god, I don't know. She's hurting herself."

"The hell are you talking about?" Alex was instantly on edge again. Paige could try and spread rumors about anyone else in this godforsaken school, except for Ellie. She wanted to slap that wide eyed, oh-so-concerned expression off Paige's face.

Paige gestured to the row of sinks behind them. "I saw her, this morning. I tried to talk to her - I told her it was disgusting…" she winced, seeming to realize belatedly exactly what she'd just said.

Alex turned away, nearly clipping Paige with her bag. She stalked to the sinks, as though she might find some kind of magical proof that Paige was lying, but all that greeted her were dried smears of makeup. Alex glared down at the chipped tiles, not exactly sure what she was trying to envision. Certainly not Ellie with a raiser blade.

But the longer Alex considered the counter, the idea of Ellie hurting herself began to seem more and more plausible. Ellie's dad had been deployed again last month, and Alex could tell her mom hadn't been taking it well, by how careful Ellie was being not to mention her. Ellie had been careful to not spend as much time with Alex in general, although she had the pretense of a new job to hide behind. Alex had carelessly teased her about being a workaholic with each new reason Ellie would give for being unable to hang out on the weekends.

Ellie had given her flippant excuses from underneath her long sleeved shirts, even during unusually warm October days. And Alex had allowed herself to believe every single one of them..

"She's none of your business." Alex's voice was rough with self recrimination, not bothering to turn and check that Paige hadn't left. Fear and anger battled for dominance inside her. She fucking hated this girl, but she hated the rawness in her own voice as it bounced around the room even more.

Mostly, she just hated that Paige was probably right, and that she'd understood what Alex had not.

Paige's tone was no longer defensive. "I know she's not my business, but I think she needs help."

Alex couldn't argue with that. She felt the hot irruption of anger ebbing away, leaving her chilled and worried. "Damn it."

Ellie had been Alex's friend since the beginning of junior high, when they'd met one Saturday in the waiting room of a therapists office. Alex had come in with her mother for information on alcoholics anonymous, and the Nash's were there as a group for family therapy.

Ellie's family had continued counseling, while Emily had thrown the pamphlet out a week later. Somehow, that experience had bonded the two girls, even though neither of them could remember what would have possessed them to talk to each other.

This discovery about the only stable person in her life felt like a physical blow, and Alex desperately wished Paige weren't here to witness it. But she definitely still was. There was the clacking of heels, and then Paige was beside her. Alex didn't think they'd ever stood this close before. Paige smelled like citrus. It was a lot nicer than Alex wanted to admit.

Their gazes met in the mirror, and for a brief moment, understanding passed like a current between them. Paige had no reason to tell Alex any of this, unless this was some twisted retribution for the job that Ellie had beat her out of. Somehow, Alex didn't think that was the case.

God, Alex hated feeling indebted to people.

Author's notes: **I mainly started writing this story because I wanted to see what would have happened if Alex had been introduced as more than Jay's girlfriend earlier on in the show. Speaking of, Jay so far is nonexistent. The title comes from a Rachael Sage song of the same name. I have the first five or six chapters written so far, and I'll let feedback dictate my posting schedule. If anything is still confusing, let me know in reviews. I'm also in search of a beta, Particularly for characterization and grammar, so if you're interested, I'd be grateful.**


	2. Chapter one

**Chapter one, February, 2004**

"You're aware how pathetic you look right now, right?"

"Screw you," Ellie muttered in acknowledgement, swirling a spoon listlessly around her yogurt.

Alex just smirked as she sat down at the lunch table. "Come on, her former friend is in a coma or whatever. I think Ashley's allowed to cross enemy lines for that sort of thing."

Ellie turned hard eyes onto Alex. "Teri was a bitch to her! They were all shitty to her." Usually, Ellie's fierce loyalty was something that Alex liked. Now, she thought she was being a little hypocritical. Not to mention overly dramatic. Ashley's tendencies had to rub off onto Ellie eventually, she supposed.

Alex turned to glance at the table Ellie had been blatantly scrutinizing across the cafeteria. Ashley stuck out like a goth colored brand among the group, Sitting between Marco and Paige, but things appeared civil enough. As far as Alex was concerned, those types of friendships seemed to be grounded in reputation, manipulation, and far too much hairspray. But maybe one of your friends being in the hospital made you reevaluate, who knew?

"Did Ash say what happened?" Alex asked Ellie out of obligation, noting that she still wasn't eating.

Ellie toyed with a rubber band on her wrist. "An accident in the woods or something." She gave the band two quick, irritated snaps, eyes glaring at the scuffed table top.

god, Alex couldn't take it anymore. She leaned across the table and stole the untouched yogurt. What were those guys doing in the woods? Can you imagine princess Paige outside the city? Oh man, I hope she broke a shoe."

Ellie shrugged, but Alex could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Last I checked, that was my food, by the way. And you hate strawberry."

"You were neglecting it in favor of sulking," Alex pointed out around a bite. Ellie's gaze flicked from the table and Alex's noticeable lack of lunch, and then up to Alex's face. Alex decided this would be an excellent time to examine the fake wood herself.

"What was it this time?" The annoyed edge that had been in Ellie's voice since Alex had sat down fell away. The question was gentle, and made the yogurt turn to glue in Alex's throat. God, she did hate the taste of strawberries.

"Crown royal," she admitted after a pause. "I don't even know if they waited for the check to clear before getting it." She heard the derisive edge creeping into her own words on the last sentence, but Alex couldn't help it. sometimes, she envied Ellie's ability to switch off her emotions at will.

There was the abrupt press of warm fingers against the back of Alex's hand. She looked down at Ellie's polished nails, next to her own bitten ones. Maybe she would have to reconsider that switching off emotions sentiment.

Alex turned her palm over, squeezing Ellie's fingers back.

XXX

Things would be a lot simpler if she hated Paige.

Alex would have barely registered this Teri chick being hurt at all, if Ashley had been the only one affected. She and Ashley were sort of friends, in the sense that they had been sitting together at lunch since the beginning of last year, and both liked Ellie. But Alex found Ashley grading, and she really didn't care to know what Ashley thought of her.

Since that day in November, when Paige had told her about Ellie, Alex… well. Alex had never really had an opinion about Paige to begin with. She didn't hate her in solidarity with Ashley, or out of principle, like Emma the whiny feminist wannabe.

Paige had just been one of the cheerleader bitches. But now, she was Paige, an actual person who Alex supposed she sort of respected. They hadn't spoken outside of that day, but sometimes, they would catch each other's eye across a crowd.

It always made Alex crave fruit.

After school that day, she just happen to take the route toward their lockers behind Paige and her posse. She wasn't checking up on Paige, Alex told herself briskly. She was just killing time before her bus, and she might as well kill it hearing information she could pass onto Ellie later.

Ashley breezed passed Alex in a blur of black, her backpack only half zipped. It looked like she'd been crying. "Are you going to the hospital?" she asked Paige without preamble. If she had seen Alex at all, she hadn't bothered to acknowledge her. Not that this was altogether unusual.

"Her dad said it wasn't a good idea," Paige replied from inside her locker. Alex willed her to turn around. If she could just see Paige, get a brief glimpse of her face and know for certain that she was fine, then maybe Alex's brain would stop this ridiculousness. Most of Paige's drama was public knowledge, in the form of fights with her on again off again boyfriend spinner. Alex had been witness to plenty of these since November, and Paige's well being had never been much of a concern before.

"Why not?" Ashley demanded, trying to zip her bag without taking it off her shoulders.

Paige's next words were choked as she struggled to try and fit too much into her bag at once. "I don't know, okay? I can't think about it right now, I have a job interview." Papers threatened to slip off the precarious stack of books in her arms, but she saved them at the last second.

"You're going to a job interview at a time like this?" Now, this sounded like the Ashley Alex was familiar with. Sometimes, she could see why Paige had dumped her.

Ashley's disdain seemed to help with Paige's composure, because Paige spun away from her locker and glared at her with such vicious contempt that Ashley stepped back. Alex felt relieved to see Paige holding her own with this diva. Of course, she knew Paige could hold her own with anyone she liked. Alex had felt a strange, brief swell of protectiveness at the sound of tears in Paige's voice.

She took it as a sign to get the hell out of there. As it was, she'd probably already missed her bus and was going to be late for work.

Sure enough, the bus was pulling away as Alex futilely ran to the stop. She swore loudly as she began walking after it, crossing her arms over her chest to fight off the bite of winter that was still hanging in the air.

XXX

Paige breathed a long exhale as she got into her car. It was a relief to finally be alone, out of the earshot of students either accosting her for information, or simply speculating for themselves. Normally, Paige would have adored this kind of attention. She loved holding gossip over other people, and making them work to hear the smallest of details.

But not when it was about one of her best friends, and when she knew very little to begin with.

The circulating rumor that Teri had gotten hurt while with her friends was because she was **supposed** to have been with them. She had backed out at the last minute, saying that Rick was taking her skiing, her tone not leaving any room to demand why she was seeing him again after his controlling, verging on violent behavior last fall. The rest of the story was a mystery for Paige, just like everyone else. Hazel had called her in a panic, saying that Teri's dad had let her know that he was on the way to meet Teri at the hospital.

That had been on Sunday, and Paige still knew nothing concrete two days later. She had seen Teri once, but she had been asleep. Paige had selfishly been relieved. What was she supposed to say? "I told-you-so" felt far from appropriate, even if it was true. Rick had been conspicuously absent from school as well, and Paige was slightly less relieved about that. **He **deserved a peace of her mind, at the very least.

She pulled out of the parking lot and turned toward down town, even though she wanted nothing more than to go home and take a bath. She needed to do well on this interview, or as well as she could, considering the circumstances. When Paige had expressed her anxieties to her mom over breakfast, Suzy Michalchuk had told Paige to "just shake it off." Her mother, ever the consummate professional.

A few blocks from school, Paige spotted a figure walking briskly down the sidewalk, her shoulders hunched up around her face in an attempt to ward off the cold. Paige was about to pass them, when she recognized Alex Nunez.

Talk about mysteries. Paige wasn't sure why she had been noticing this girl so much lately. For the last two years of high school, Alex had just been another random face in her grade. Paige had paid moderate attention when Ashley had started hanging out with her, but from what she could tell, Alex didn't seem too fond of her.

clearly, the girl had some sort of sense.

Paige rolled down the passenger window, leaning across the front seat. Lisa Lobe accompanied her as she gave Alex a half hearted wave. "Lose your ride?"

Alex jerked her head up, looking momentarily confused, before her face shut down completely. "Gotta love public transport," she said, tone noncommittal.

Paige worked her lips into what she hoped was a convincing smile, unlocking the door. "I'm heading to the movie theater, maybe I can drop you off on the way or something?" If she did this one nice thing for a random girl, maybe the universe would help Teri to be all right. Paige wasn't religious, but she could bargain with the best of them.

Alex brightened, one foot stepping off the sidewalk. Paige had to turn down her music to hear her. "Really? So am I."

"Do you work there?" A seed of hope began worming around Paige's stomach. "Put in a good word for me, and I'll definitely give you a ride."

Alex slid awkwardly into the car, struggling to squeeze both of their backpacks between her feet. **you** want a job there?" She asked, once she was settled. Paige really should be more annoyed by the blatant mocking, but she was distracted by the note of genuine amusement in her voice.

"I don't **want** one as much as I **need** one," Paige admitted, easing her foot off the break. Focusing on the road made this a little easier to say. "My brother was teaching me to drive, and I kind of wrecked his car. I wasn't insured, and I don't want to think how much I owe my parents. Not to mention, I also have to help with payments on **this** car."

"Maybe I was better off walking…"

Paige smacked her arm, surprised to find herself nearly laughing. Companionable silence fell between them. Paige turned her music back on, feeling far more relaxed than when she'd first left school. In comparison, Alex seemed to grow more uncomfortable the longer they drove. Paige was about to make a joke on differing tastes in music, but Alex didn't give her the chance.

"I'm sorry about your friend," she exploded in a rush, as Paige was nearing the theater.

Paige was really, really sick of awkward apologies. At least Alex hadn't acted like Teri had mattered some great deal to her, like half of the spirit squad. "It's fine," she told Alex, in the fake, breathy voice she reserved for dismissing people at school.

Alex didn't verbally dispute her statement, but by the weight of her gaze, she didn't have to. Paige really didn't have the energy for fronts right now. She just fervently hoped the other girl could still find something decent about her to say to her manager.

Author's notes: There was a pretty fast turn around between the prologue and chapter one, since this is still pretty much setting up the main plot. Originally, this story was only from Alex's perspective, so the first few chapters are a little bit unbalanced with the POV shift. Hopefully it won't be too jarring. Chapters two and three are relatively short, so I'll probably post them close together as well.


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter Two: Late February into early March, 2004**

It was nearing 1 in the morning at the end of her first week as a working girl, and Paige decided that she desperately needed to take up journalism. Her initial expose would contain a list of things they didn't tell you about in job interviews, that you would **definitely** want to be warned about.

By far, the most disgustingly important item would be Cleaning urinals.

Paige pushed the mop bucket disgustedly ahead of her as she headed toward the supply closet just off the lobby of the theater. If she thought she'd needed a shower earlier in her shift after getting drenched in coke, Paige was certain she would now have to scald her skin in boiling water if she **ever** had a chance at getting clean.

A barrage of angry words were on the verge of bursting out of her, when she heard a faint, off key rendition of Shakira's Underneath your clothes.

Paige blinked as she discovered Alex, shamelessly dancing around the deserted lobby with her own mop, although she had appeared to have abandoned all pretenses of cleaning entirely. Her dark hair was falling into her face, and she'd appeared to have abandoned her customary hoodie for this number, leaving her in a white, too small tank top.

Alex reached the climax of the song, and laughed at herself as her voice cracked entirely. she did a mock pirouette for the mop, swiping at something on the floor with it as an afterthought. Paige's eyes were caught by the widening expansion of skin as her shirt continued to ride up. Alex's body was lither than Paige had expected, and she wondered why on earth Alex constantly hid it under baggy sweatshirts.

When Alex launched into her rendition of Kiss Me, by sixpence none the richer, Paige couldn't keep silent any longer. She burst out laughing, leaning against a wall for support.

Alex had been in the middle of executing some horrendous dance move, with her back to Paige, and she froze for a second mid-word, before slowly turning around to face her audience. She had yet to notice her shirt.

"No, don't stop on my account." Paige was still openly laughing. "I think you could give Ash a run for her money at the next talent show. And those **turns**! How are you not on my squad yet?"

"Screw you," Alex mumbled. Paige felt very satisfied to see the usually unflappable girl blushing.

"I didn't know you liked pop songs," she grinned, turning away to belatedly put away her cleaning supplies, surprised to be feeling much lighter.

"Ellie is always showing me the new emo crap," Alex admitted. "I can only hear so many acoustic guitar songs about people hating their lives, you know?"

"You find that in pop music too." Paige turned back around, almost disappointed to find Alex zipping up her hoodie. "Now, let's see your rendition of Toxic."

"Not a chance, princess."

"Oh, don't give me that. I've discovered your guilty pleasure."

"Sure you have." Though she was fighting it, Paige saw the thinly bailed amusement tugging at the corners of the other girl's mouth.

Paige decided this was absolutely her new favorite side of Alex. Which was strange, because a month ago, she would have been the first to tell you that favorite and Alex couldn't go together in a sentence.

XXX

"Fuck!"

The yell came from down the hall, and Paige glanced up from where she was not cleaning the counters in favor of texting Hazel. How could anyone be so angry on payday? Okay, so this was Paige's first paycheck in her life. But a person couldn't become **that** disillusioned, could they?

Alex came storming into the lobby, clenching her own phone in disgust. Paige wasn't aware how such a beat up thing even still turned on, but she kept her mouth shut about it. Alex had the ability to make her life hell at work. She had seniority over Paige, something she loved to remind her at every opportunity. Paige often wondered if Alex had helped her get the job just so she could lord things over her.

Now though, Alex looked genuinely upset. Paige pocketed her cell and put down the already neglected sponge, waiting to see if Alex would stop muttering senselessly under her breath.

"Stupid runners!" Alex finally exploded, although Paige doubted it was at her. "They fucked up the goddamned bus schedule already this morning. It was supposed to be fixed by now."

"What are you talking about?" Paige asked in a much quieter voice, hoping for Alex's sake that Meri had gone home early. Seniority or not, Paige doubted Alex would get away with screaming curses.

"The goddamned marathon. Public transportation is all screwed up because of it. Whoever heard of a marathon in **March**, anyway?"

"Why does this affect you, exactly?"

Alex crossed the room in quick steps, until the only thing between them was the counter. "I can't get home!" she slammed her free hand down in frustration, her anger now definitely for Paige. "I promised mom I'd give her my check so she could make rent by Monday. The landlord said if she was late again-" she seemed to realize what she was saying, and closed her mouth with an abrupt snap.

Paige felt distinctly uncomfortable, having been complaining about only getting to keep a third of her own check less than twenty minutes ago. A heavy silence worked it's way between them, with Alex moving angrily around, not so much cleaning as picking up things and slamming them down in different places. Paige picked up her sponge again, eager not to have to look Alex in the face. Guilt made her far more efficient than usual, and she was done sooner than she wanted to be.

"I can give you a ride," she exclaimed. It was easier than an apology they both knew Alex would be far too prideful to accept.

Alex turned from where she was repeatedly scrubbing the same section of the soda machine. Her face was unreadable, but Paige could tell by the way she was nibbling her lip that she was deliberating. "I'm super out of your way." she said eventually, her voice now sounding more ragged than volatile.

"Well, is there like, a bus stop I could drop you off at? Maybe somewhere passed the blocked off route?" Paige knew nothing about their cities transit schedule.

"Actually, yeah, near the alimentary school."

Paige nodded vigorously, having a vague idea where she was referring to. "As long as you can play navigator, I can get you there." Paige felt compelled to make a joke about her poor sense of direction to break the tension, but nothing was coming to mind. She wasn't used to feeling bad for people, especially those outside her group of friends.

Alex looked equally comfortable, and Paige got the sudden feeling that she was just as unaccustomed to accepting favors as Paige was to offering them. "Thanks, Paige. You're really helping me out..."

Paige could sense it was costing her a lot to admit to this. "It's no problem, Alex. Really." Her name felt strange to say, and her own was even more odd coming from the other girl. "If you ever need a ride, I hope you know you can ask." Alex wouldn't meet her eyes, but Paige was surprised to find that she actually meant what she was saying.

Rides were something she offered even less frequently than favors, and Paige didn't want to think about what her sudden willingness to start for a random coworker meant.

Author's notes: One more setup chapter, and then the deluge of posting will stop. I'm hoping that once the plot becomes clear, readers will be more responsive. The next chapter is almost completely from Alex's perspective (see what I said earlier about the POV shifts being uneven). After that, it's split within the chapters themselves. HOpefully no one's confused. Comments very welcome.


	4. chapter three

**Chapter three: April, 2004**

"You want me to do what?" Alex groped at a far corner of her locker, looking for her Geography notebook in vain.

"Please?" Paige was like some sort of begging jumping bean beside her, shifting from foot to foot with excess energy.

Alex ruled the notebook a lost cause, and finally turned to look at her. "Paige, do you realize what today is?"

"Um, Friday? Which you have off, while your favorite coworker does not?" God, Alex should have stayed in the safety of her locker. She wouldn't be able to refuse Paige anything if she kept looking at her with those bright, hopeful puppy eyes.

"Paige," Alex stressed, determined to stand her ground. Alex would not give in so Paige could go on a date. She would not. "This is opening weekend for **Kill Bill**. The theater's gonna be hell, and I already have to work until close **tomorrow**."

"But Alex, Dean invited me to this party." Paige explained this grave fact as though Alex was supposed to have any idea who Dean actually was.

"Wait, I thought you had a thing with Spinner the lovesick tonight? That's what you said an hour ago, when you begged me to cover for you the **first** time."

When they'd initially begun working together, Alex had toyed with the possibility of being diplomatic about Paige's friends. Now, two months later, she'd wholeheartedly abandoned that pretense. Paige would - and frequently did - let her know if she'd crossed a line. This was not crossing a line as much as stating the truth, which Paige was perfectly aware of.

Guilt crawled across Paige's face, but only for a second. "I'll reschedule with him, it's no big deal." Her eyes flicked away from Alex, who found that she spoke Paige well enough by now to know this was her attempting to be evasive.

"You remind me why I hate romantic comities."

"I'll make a convert out of you yet." Paige's smile was back in full force, undoubtedly sensing that Alex was weakening. "You just haven't seen the right one."

"who is Dean, anyway?"

"that really hot soccer player."

"Oh of course," Alex drawled. "My mistake. How did I forget him?" Paige rolled her eyes, but her smile stayed in place.

Alex was used to seeing her in lust. Normally, it was easy to tease her about. Today however, Alex found herself feeling genuinely annoyed with Paige, for no discernible reason. Alex tried to chock it up to the fact the blond was asking her to cover at the last minute, even though it wasn't like she had anything better to do. It was either work, or hang out with the punk twins and avoid her home until her mom and flavor of the week passed out for the evening.

"You're cleaning the popcorn machine for the next week."

Paige let out a half sort of squeal, and hugged her enthusiastically. Alex was surrounded by grapefruit and something else, a soft warm scent that was unique to Paige's skin. There was also the unavoidable press of Paige's breasts against her, and Alex couldn't lie to herself any longer.

Because really, she was just a fucking masochist who lived for moments like this.

XXX

"Ash?" Coma chick Teri was standing at their lunch table. Alex and Teri had never officially met, but Degrassi was too small of a school for them not to know of each other. Alex had never asked for the sorted details on Teri's accident. There were rumors of an abusive relationship, but there were rumors about people in severe situations every week.

Since Teri's return to school in March, things had been a little better between Ashley and the Paige posse. They would smile in the halls, or work together in class, a far cry from a few months ago when they were completely freezing her out.

Alex tried to remind herself of that side of Paige on days like this. for as bubbly and funny as the blond was, she could also be calculating and cold. She was very likely only using Alex for personal gain.

"Hey Ter," Ashley was saying. Both of them seemed awkward, reserved. Alex glanced at Ellie, who just shrugged. Things were more tense between Ashley and Alex, now that Alex was working and spending time with Paige by proxy. Alex couldn't decide whether Ashley was jealous or upset. For that matter, she wasn't sure what gave Ashley the right to be either, when she'd barely given Alex the time of day before.

"Um, can I talk to you?" Teri's right arm was still in a sling, the only visibly noticeable sign of her ordeal.

"Sit down, Teri," Ashley finally offered, moving her bag off the bench beside her. She sounded resigned, and Teri winced, her eyes darting between the strangers across the table.

"I'll make this quick," she promised, sounding apologetic. Then she seemed to change her mind, standing a little straighter. "no, you know what, this is important. It's about Paige."

"What about her?" Ashley's tone was now blatantly hostile, but Teri didn't seem like she was going to back down.

"She's going out with this guy tonight, and I don't know if it's a good idea."

Ashley waved her hand dismissively. "Paige is a big girl, Teri." she shot a frosty look at Alex. "Besides, maybe you should be talking to her new work buddy, she probably knows Paige the best out of any of us these days."

God, if she didn't like Ellie so much, Alex wouldn't take Ashley and her shit.

"I'm just covering her shift," Alex snapped, growing more annoyed at her own defensiveness. She glanced at Teri, trying to be a little less hostile. "Are you worried about the Spinner thing?" Ashley started to say something, then cut herself off. Alex smirked, and pretended not to feel Ellie's sharp kick under the table.

"No, that's just typical Paige. "I'm worried about the guy she's seeing though." She looked back to Ashley, her big doe eyes full of guilt and concern. "He seems creepy, Ash. But she won't listen to me. She and Hazel are going shoe shopping after school."

"Shoe shopping?" Ellie mouthed.

Ashley seemed to be at a loss for words. Alex knew if she and Ellie made eye contact they would laugh, so she tried to look anywhere but to her right. It was very, very difficult.

"I don't think there's much you can do but keep an eye on her tonight," were Ashley's words of wisdom as the bell rang.

"I'm not invited," Teri muttered, but Alex thought she must have been the only one to hear.

Something like worried started trying to gnaw it's way into her stomach, but Alex mentally shook herself. Paige knew what she was doing, after all. Apparently, it required new shoes.

XXX

"Out with it."

"Hmmm?" Alex moved her big toe in lazy circles across the underside of the wool blanket covering Ellie's bed. It was late Friday night, probably edging closer into Saturday morning. Alex had talked Ellie into picking her up from work. The two of them had a standing invitation to stay with one another if things ever got too unbearable at home, although it was understood that Ellie's was the preferable option. For as much as Emily stayed out, her standard free loading boyfriends were less predictable.

"Don't give me any of that," Ellie scoffed as she turned off her bedroom light. Alex felt her stomach flip as the room fell into complete darkness. This conversation had been inevitable, she supposed.

"El-" Alex couldn't manage the second syllable of her name, the first rasping over the back of her throat, landing pinched in the air between them.

The mattress shifted beside her, and the sharp sent of Ellie's apple shampoo was now very close to Alex's face. Alex rolled away from the assault.

It wasn't that she was afraid of her own sexuality. alex had understood for a while now that her attraction for boys was nonexistent, while her interest in girls was ever increasing. But defining it seemed too insurmountable, especially now when it felt as though it was coalescing into something far more tangible.

Discussing it, actually saying it to Ellie would make it real. Alex tried to form the words "I'm gay", but they got wedged behind the lump of anxiety lodged at the back of her throat. God, she was a coward.

"Lex, you know I don't care, right?" Ellie's matter of fact tone was like cool water to the flames of Alex's irrationality. A soft hand found Alex's forearm beneath the blankets. "Whatever it is, whoever you like… it doesn't matter."

"Even if it's you?"

The hand went very still against her skin, And Alex held it together for nearly a full minute before giving into the uncontrollable urge to laugh.

"You know you're an ass, right? A complete ass." Ellie's pillow collided with the side of her face, but Alex couldn't stop choking, as much out of giddy relief as amusement.

"So gullible," she gasped.

"See if I'm ever supportive again."

Long after she had calmed down and Ellie's breathing had lengthened beside her, Alex lay replaying her earlier words, their conviction washing away any remaining anxiety.

XXX

She couldn't find her bra.

He'd flung it across the room - the cute red one that her mom had said was way too expensive in the first place. , and she couldn't see it anywhere.

Paige withdrew a shaking hand out from under this stranger's bed, trying ineffectively to make her goddamned shirt show less cleavage.

Sometime tomorrow, a person would discover this bra, and all the connotations that came along with it. Girls like Paige didn't leave parties without their bras.

Then again, what kind of girl was she? Certainly not the same one who had come into this bedroom.

Paige got to her mostly steady feet, not allowing herself to look back at the sleeping form sprawled in a tangle of sheets. With as much nonchalance as she could manage, she walked back out into the throbbing base and swarm of intoxicated strangers, hugging her shirt around herself as though it could somehow replace her dignity.

Author's notes: To the reviewer that asked about rewriting season five episodes, hopefully this chapter answered that question. The remainder of this fic will take into consideration some of the elements from Paige's rape storyline, but most events will be original. If you want a random singing contest and awful lyrics, stick with plots from the show. ;)


	5. Chapter four

**Chapter Four**

The dull cold of the metal easily penetrated her thin denim jeans, but Paige stayed where she was, sitting halfway up the deserted bleachers. The familiar field looked different from the perspective of an observer. Then again, maybe that was how everything was going to seem from now on.

It was funny that places Paige had been, sometimes barely two days before, seemed so completely foreign. In reality, reminders of Dean were really just out of sight, waiting for the opportune moment to ambush her. Paige wrapped her arms around herself, even though the actual morning air was mild.

This field was where she'd first noticed him. Her room was where she'd tried on half her closet before finding the perfect outfit to impress him.

Even when Paige was completely alone, the film of Dean's power over her was unavoidable, discoloring everything she held dear. Paige Michalchuck was not one to hide out on empty bleachers before school. If someone had a problem with her, confronting them was the best thing. Paige knew how to intimidate people into giving her what she wanted. Gaining the upper hand in social situations was more instinct than talent, and one that Paige appreciated.

She had always taken that self confidence for granted, but now, the idea of simply being in a crowded building was making her feel physically ill. Paige didn't know how she would ever regain the upper hand from this.

XXX

Paige's locker was across the hall and four down from Alex's. She was impossible to miss when she was there, always bubbling over with whatever she was feeling. Everything Paige did was vibrant, demanding to be noticed.

Alex had told herself she was immune to cheerleader charm. Since starting high school, she'd appreciated many qualities about her classmates, Manny Santos legs, or the way Teri would chew her hair when she was concentrating, to name a few.

But Paige had been nothing to her, except an occasional buzzing annoyance that Alex would want to swat at. She had settled for glaring across the hall, regardless of the fact it was rarely noticed.

But then she'd told Meri Paige was good with people, and somehow that had lead to Paige yelping about getting a job two days later. Now, Alex was hopelessly insnared, just like the rest of them. Her eyes were drawn by the magnetic, effervescent pull of Paige.

In turn, Paige didn't appear entirely repulsed by Alex presence, occasionally catching her eye and nodding in acknowledgement. More recently, she had taken to coming over and offering Alex a ride to work. Paige had a knack for memorizing schedules, and would mercilessly tease Alex for needing to scribble hers down on the back of her hand.

Alex always had a hard time reconciling the girl who would mock her behind the movie theater counter, to the polished, poised bitch who sat relatively near her in classes. School Paige didn't outright ignore Alex, but she was far less welcoming than work Paige. Alex wasn't sure if Paige's friends were giving her shit for associating with the… whatever Alex was. Goodwill poster girl? Alex also figured Paige could deflect any negative attention from herself. It seemed like one of those special abilities certain girls were graced with at birth

Besides, Alex was hooked on figuring out the nuances between the two personalities. So she took Paige up on her rides, and kept tabs on Paige's locker that following Monday morning.

She never appeared. Teri stalled at her own locker several down from Paige's, looking like a cautious rabbit. She saw Alex watching and gave what almost looked like a smile. Alex didn't play nice with shy girls, so she just turned away.

Paige was in class, notably without a lot of her homework. That was something Alex didn't really pay attention to until later - she was no stranger to slacking off herself, after all.

Between first and second period, Alex watched as Teri tapped Paige on the shoulder, and Paige jerked like she'd been burned. Still, lunch was when things really got interesting.

Alex was walking toward the cafeteria, when full-of-himself Spinner Mason stormed passed her and up to Paige. He said things to the blond that Alex didn't hear. She only really started paying attention when he grabbed her arm.

"Don't touch me - don't ever touch me!" Paige's voice was a shrill yell, carrying easily down the corridor. Alex took a step in her direction. Now half the hall was staring. Alex scanned for some of Paige and Spinner's mutual friends, but the only other person she saw was Ashley.

Spinner's voice was heavy with contempt. "Why not? Everyone else does!"

Paige's hand darted out like lightning, catching Spinner's cheek in a quick slap. Like the dumbass he was, Spinner stood motionless for a moment, a hand hovering over the side of his face. People laughed as Paige ran in the opposite direction.

Ashley met Alex's gaze. Alex shrugged. Checking on Paige wasn't her responsibility or right, as much as she may want it to be.

Alex swore that Ashley's actual walk after Paige was smug.

XXX

"Paige, what's the deal?"

Paige really didn't want to have this conversation. Hazel had been pressing her for details on the party since Saturday, and Paige had thought she'd been doing a good job at brushing her off.

"hazel, can we do this later?" Paige addressed the question to her combination lock. School itself had been endless, and she didn't want to think about the additional effort a five hour shift was going to be. she wanted nothing more than to go home and attempt to decompress.

As if to purposefully aggravate her, Hazel's voice was high and grading, her designer perfume adding to the pounding in Paige's head. How had she ever wanted that same scent? "No, we cannot," Hazel was still insisting. "God, Paige, I don't believe you! I knew you liked that guy, but sleeping with him? On the first date? And what about Spinner? How could you do that?"

This was too much information for Paige to even try to begin to process. "What?" she choked, forcing herself to meet Hazel's cool gaze.

"Yeah, Ashley told me. **Ashley**, Paige. Why does **Ashley** know about you sleeping with someone **before** I do?"

Was that all Hazel cared about? Didn't she realize that Paige hadn't planned for any of this to happen? One minute she'd been flirting with Dean, completely in her element. The next, everything was snowballing out of control. If Paige had gotten a say, she might have kissed Dean once.

If she had a say, she certainly wouldn't have slapped Spinner. But she hadn't gotten one, so Paige was just doing the damned best she could.

"Start talking, Paige." Hazel stepped forward, crowding Paige back against the bank of lockers. Until this moment, Paige had never really considered Hazel to be an intimidating person. But the closer she came to Paige, the less oxygen there seemed to be in the hallway. Paige wondered if this was how she made other people feel. She didn't know someone looking at you like this could feel so exposing.

Hazel was still talking, but Paige couldn't focus on what she was saying. Her words were like sparks, easily feeding the flames of Paige's self recrimination that had begun to blaze Friday evening.

"God, Aiden, can't you save the soap opera?" the voice was abrasive, coming from out of nowhere. paige started, looking over Hazel's shoulder to see her rescuer. How long had Alex been there?

Hazel turned the brunt of her outrage onto Alex, jerking her head around so fast that her dark hair nearly hit Paige in the face. "who asked you?"

Alex yanked open her own locker, barely acknowledging Hazel. "Trust me, I could care less about your bitching. So save it for more private conversations."

"This was a private-"

But Paige cut her off by elbowing passed her and into the open freedom of the hallway. "Alex is right. i'm really not in the mood for your insecurities today, hon."

Paige knew she'd taken it too far, but she reacted defensively when she was scared. Since Friday, she'd only found peace of mind when she could scope out a quick escape route. But how was Hazel supposed to understand she'd trapped her, when Paige couldn't even articulate the reasons for feeling suffocated to herself?

Paige watched numbly as Hazel stormed away in a perfume tinted cloud of rage. She wanted to call after her, to tell her that this was all some misunderstanding. But even if Hazel would give her a chance to explain, Paige didn't know where to start. She'd tried telling Ashley at lunch, and look what that had done?

Okay, so she probably could have explained things to Ashley better. Paige was pretty sure the only thing her former friend had understood was that Spinner was upset because Paige had stood him up and slept with another guy. Now everyone would think she was easy, god. But what did Paige know? Technically, she had been.

Paige slid to the floor, her locker hanging forlornly open above her. Across the hall, Alex appeared to be looking for something with little success. Paige watched her search in an attempt to keep her thoughts grounded. She should probably thank her for coming to her defense, but Paige didn't want to give anyone else the opportunity to ask questions. Then again, Alex was a private person, so she would probably have the sense to respect that more than the rest of Paige's friends.

Was Alex her friend?

She couldn't think about relationship dynamics right now. Paige needed a few seconds to just remind her lungs how to expand fully. The building was slowly emptying out, and she and Alex were completely alone in their section of hallway. Paige tried to will herself to relax, basking in the quiet.

Alex was now carefully looking through her locker, and Paige found watching her strangely soothing.. Eventually, the other girl glanced up, catching her staring. She grinned down at her. A smile from alex was rare, especially in school. Then again, Paige didn't really give her the chance.

"Sounds like someone had quite the weekend there."

Paige felt herself tensing again. She'd hoped that Alex hadn't heard any of Hazel's accusations. Even if she had, Paige had presumed that out of anyone, Alex wouldn't fall under the spell of speculation.

"It's not true!" The words were supposed to be flippant. Instead, they came out pinched and raw, making her lie painfully obvious.

"What isn't?" Alex turned fully around, looking genuinely confused. She took a step across the hall. But no, Paige wouldn't allow herself to be put in this position again.

Paige was on her feet before she realized quite what she was doing. "It's not what everybody thinks," she heard the naked desperation in her own voice, and it made her sick. She never talked like this, like her words were coming apart at the seams.

"I don't think anything."

"Don't patronize me," Paige snarled over the slam of her locker, instantly feeling safer, wrapped in anger's protective cocoon. She allowed the thrill of it to carry her around the corner and out of the school, not caring that she'd left half her things behind.

If you had to be emotional, anger was your best bet. It was safer to fall bak on than tears. Anger was strong, protecting you from getting hurt with it's intensity. Crying made you weak, susceptible to attack.

And Paige didn't know how many more of those she could withstand.

Author's notes: Apologies that this took a while to be posted. School is starting up soon, so this has kind of been put on the back burner. although, I did start this around finals week last semester, so you never know. I appreciate everyone who has reviewed and put this on their alerts, especially because I know interest in the pairing has lessened. I hope you'll bare with me if updates are intermittent.


	6. Chapter five

Author's notes: To make up for the two month wait, this is the longest chapter I've written thus far. A major thanks to TheyCallMeOrange for leaving me the best review in the history of reviews, which finally motivated me to get this ready for posting.

**Chapter Five**

Alex couldn't decide if the prospect of working with Paige that evening intrigued or annoyed her. Clearly, she'd struck some sort of nerve. Still, that afternoon's argument made absolutely no sense, particularly because she hadn't realized they were having one. Alex had wanted to tease Paige with comparisons to chick flicks and make her relax, not more upset.

And certainly not upset enough to cry. Popular girls cried, it was expected. But hell, **not** Paige. Paige made **other** girls cry.

Alex also wasn't sure why Paige was bothering to deny what had happened. She had arrived mid-confrontation, but it was clear from her reaction that Paige had definitely slept with macho sports star. It certainly didn't deserve Spinner calling her a whore, or Hazel acting like the world was ending, but Alex wasn't particularly fond of the idea herself.

Arriving at work was thankfully anticlimactic. Paige seemed ready to ignore her, but that was impossible to do in such close quarters. They also gave Alex the ability to see how drained Paige looked. Her makeup was smudged around her eyes, and she was wearing a faded sweatshirt that Alex suspected had originally belonged to Dylan.

Once they were officially on the clock, Paige spoke to her civilly enough. Was this some kind of truce? Could they have actually had an argument if Alex had just stood there dumbly? God, she didn't speak melodrama well enough for this.

It was a Monday, so things were relatively slow. Alex stole a meager meal of popcorn when Meri wasn't looking, and inwardly berated herself for even considering apologizing to Paige.

"What is going on in that poster?" Paige asked the first non work related thing to Alex halfway through the shift, when both their lines had been empty for some time. She didn't look at her, but her tone was brimming with embarrassment. This was a game they played sometimes, speculating over movie posters who's counterparts were failing to sell out.

Alex glanced at the nameless teen girl Paige was referring to. "It looks pretty dramatic." she retorted, more defense mechanism than jab.

Paige's eyes were no longer on the picture. "I think she looks overwhelmed,"

Alex shrugged, in an attempt to shake off this crazy urge to tell Paige she didn't have to grovel. "Who isn't? She should work on getting a better support system."

"I guess there wouldn't be much of a movie then." Paige placed a tentative hand on Alex's arm, leaving it there until their gazes met. Paige's eyes looked wet.

"I bet she's smarter than we're giving her credit for," Alex decided. Paige looked like she really wanted to cry.

XXX

Willing herself to look more composed than she felt, Paige exited the stall. There was only a few minutes left before the morning bell rang, she had to do this now. Washing her hands, she glanced briefly into the mirror, catching another gaze in the glass.

"Em, you go on ahead, I've got to fix my eyeliner."

Emma tossed her paper towel into the trash by the door, barely even looking toward the sinks. "Manny, don't be so obsessive, it looks fine."

Manny gave Emma a long suffering look, deftly opening her makeup compact. "I don't want fine, Emma. I want perfection."

The other girl rolled her eyes, but left without further comment.

Manny gave Paige a quizzical look as the door closed behind her. "What's up?" True to her word, she did indeed start polishing her eye makeup.

Paige hoped her expression was friendly enough. It was hard to focus on her facial features when her stomach was in so many knots. "I've been thinking. You've been doing really well with our moves lately."

"Really?" The younger girl tried to play it cool, but she lapped the attention up like a neglected puppy. Paige breathed a little easier.

"Yeah." Paige had to choose her next words carefully. "Um, I'm going to be taking a little time off as captain, and I need to leave the squad in good hands."

"Paige, are you saying?" In her excitement, Manny's careful application faltered, and eyeliner streaked onto her temple.

Paige just grinned wordlessly, and Manny shrieked, not knowing Paige's smile was purely one of relief.

XXX

The rest of the week passed for some approximation of normal. Ashley seemed more angry with Alex than usual, but Paige had also suddenly become much more "public" with their relationship. She had taken the seat beside Alex in media immersion on Tuesday, looking exhausted and slightly desperate. Alex had felt Hazel burning a hole in the back of her neck for the entire period.

"So, what's up with your new BFF?" Ellie asked at lunch on Thursday, drawing out the last word. Ashley was sitting with Craig, mapping out something for Degrassi's next cheese fest of a talent show. Alex was pretty sure Ashley had found her tortured soulmate.

"Fuck you," Alex snapped out of reflex. Ellie just waited. "I don't know," she finally relented, flicking a defenseless orange peel around her napkin.

"When **I** am concerned about her, you know there's a problem."

"Hazel was bitching about her sleeping with someone over the weekend." Alex admitted around a bite, glaring at her orange as though it were responsible.

Ellie snorted. "Oh man, that must have killed you."

Mostly, Alex was just confused. Paige was **trying** to act like her old self. Except, her old self wouldn't avoid Spinner like the plague, and be in some silent war with Hazel. Alex easily found Paige across the cafeteria. She was sitting with her usual group, bracketed by Marco and Dylan, by far Degrassi's most obvious non-couple. Further down the table, Jimmy, Teri, Hazel and Spinner appeared to be having a separate conversation.

"What has Ashley said?" Alex finally caved, blurting what she'd wanted to know since Monday.

"Well, in between cursing your name, just cryptic crap about how Paige is still the same careless girl she remembers. Hey, don't shoot the messenger, you asked."

Alex bit down hard on her tongue. Ellie wasn't outwardly judging her for being friends with Paige, she could do the same. But god, she had no idea what Ellie saw in her.

"I'm assuming you disagree?" Ellie broke in mildly, after Alex had angrily chomped down on several bites of fruit.

Alex took a moment to consider. "She doesn't seem like she regrets hurting Spinner, but she also hasn't said a word about this Dean guy either."

Alex didn't mention that Paige would sometimes look on the brink of tears for no reason, or how she had been jumping at abrupt movements every shift. Alex had carefully been accommodating her as much as possible, and Paige would occasionally smile gratefully. Those smiles effectively derailed any plans Alex had about asking her what was going on.

On another level entirely, she wasn't sure about Paige's motives. Sure, they were friends this week, but what did that mean for the long term? As much as she was undoubtedly falling hard for this girl, Alex was also realistic. She told herself that maybe Paige was just as conflicted about their friendship, but the doubts persisted..

XXX

Alex hated working weekends. Movies let out later, and trying to clean up the concession stands during the last showing was useless. No matter what their rules were, someone was bound to complain that they were depriving them of midnight snowcaps. And the goddamned customers were always right, of course.

this weekend would be especially hellish. The university was out for spring break, and far too many college kids somehow thought that the movie theater was the place to be. Apparently, Florida was overrated.

Alex had been keeping an overly careful eye on Paige all week. They had both worked almost every night. Weekdays were easy, because there wasn't much to do. Meri would often send one of them home early, and this week, Alex had always insisted Paige be the one to go.

Tonight though, it was every girl for themselves. Alex had no time to even speak to Paige, her line was so backed up. Her feet were killing her by the time the 10:00 movies were starting, and she dreaded the clean up. They would be lucky if they got out of here before 1AM, and Alex would more than likely miss the last bus of the night.

"What can i get you?" Remarkably, Paige still sounded upbeat. Alex had to hand it to her, she was far better with people than Alex would ever be. Paige would often mock Alex's complete inability to be friendly, but Alex usually distracted her with dramatic impersonations of the customers.

"How much are you going for, huh?" Alex took distracted note of the man's question from her crouch position on the floor, rubbing ineffectively at a spill. Nacho cheese was particularly resistant to being cleaned.

Paige laughed in that high, breathy way Alex had begun associating with school. "Trust me, I think the crunch bars are far more appealing."

"I dunno, you look like you'd be pretty good to nibble on," the guy drawled.

Alex straightened up and spun around, just in time to see Paige blanch. "It's the crunch bars or nothing," Alex informed him in a terse snarl. She couldn't decide what she disliked more, his easy smirk or university sweatshirt.

"Easy, butchy. Your friend and I are doing just fine here." The ass hat grinned at Paige, his eyes shamelessly dipping down to her breasts.

"you heard what she said," Paige snapped, her own gaze resolute. "Everything for sale is right there." She gestured to the menu behind them.

The guy seemed to take the hint, and Alex furiously rung him up while Paige took a try at the nacho stain.

when he stormed off, they had their first alone moment of the evening. "Welcome to spring break, eh?" Alex asked, trying to inject more brevity into her words than she felt.

Paige didn't reply, and Alex turned to see her huddled in a crouch on the floor, not moving. "Hey." She surprised herself by extending a nacho smelling hand toward Paige. "He was probably just some frat douche, don't worry about it."

Paige lifted her head. Her eyes seemed particularly luminous in her too white face, and it looked almost like she was having trouble breathing.

"Paige-" Alex wasn't sure what was going to come out next, but Paige didn't give her the chance to find out, bolting to her feet so suddenly that Alex took a startled step back. Her hip collided painfully with the counter's sharp corner, and it took all of her willpower not to curse.

By the time the pain had receded, Alex was alone.

XXX

Paige didn't quite know how she made it outside, but the night air was a relief to her flushed skin. She'd never thought she would appreciate the damp smell of the city, but anything was better than the burning stench of aftershave and butter.

It wasn't her first time being flirted with at work. If this were a normal night, she would have easily responded, possibly leading to a harmless back and forth about inflation for her dimples that Alex would have teased her over for the rest of the shift.

Instead, she'd froze. Alex had been out of her direct line of sight, and though rationally she knew help was less than a foot away, Paige couldn't turn and look at her. Luckily, Alex had somehow continued playing her self appointed role as bodyguard. Paige had seen Alex on the defensive several times - her knocking environmentalist Emma down a few pegs being a personal favorite - but Alex had never seen it fit to come to Paige's rescue.

If Paige were able to breathe properly, she might be able to appreciate the other girl's timing. She'd thought escaping the stifling air of the theater would help, but the more Paige walked, the tighter her throat became.

This wasn't the first time such a sensation had occurred. Walking into Media immersion on Tuesday, she'd felt apprehension lodge itself into her throat at the thought of trying to last the entire period next to Hazel. Luckily, she'd spotted an empty place by Alex. Sinking down and briefly catching her considerably softer gaze, Paige was able to breathe a little easier.

But now, she was alone, with only an overly full garbage bag for company. She coughed. The light breeze was deceptive, because the air was like syrup in her chest. Paige stumbled, gasping.

Tears dripped unchecked down her face and onto the plastic. She tried to say a word, but her throat was too tight. Who would hear her, anyway?

XXX

At first, Alex didn't think much of Paige's abrupt exit. She'd probably need air too, especially after the week Paige had gone through. She put another garbage bag in the can, and finally won the battle against the nacho cheese. It was only a few minutes later when Meri asked if Paige had gone on break, that Alex realized she still wasn't back.

She waited until Meri had retreated back to her office to slip outside. the cool air felt good on her face, and Alex sighed, feeling the delayed wave of exhaustion that always succeeded nights like this . If her money and phone weren't in her locker, it would be very tempting to just go home.

Movement in the shadows caught her eye, and Alex tensed. "Paige?" she called. Where else could she be? There was no reply, and Alex stepped out of the pool of light spilling from the theater, squinting.

alex eyes slowly adjusted, and she made out Paige's slumped form near the dumpsters. She had her arms locked around a garbage bag, and her shoulders were shaking.

At first, Alex thought she was crying. Then, she realized she was hyperventilating.

Alex's first instinct was to run inside for more help. But who would she get, Meri? What good would she be?

"Paige?" she called, louder than before. This time, Paige reacted, turning to face Alex. She made a small sort of whimper, a hand coming up to clutched at her throat. The overfilled garbage bag slipped, falling to the ground and bursting open.

Alex dove for it, pulling out a used popcorn bag. "This is the best you've got," she told Paige, trying to keep her own voice steady. Paige's eyes were wide with terror, and Alex felt her own throat constrict in response.

Alex stepped on top of garbage, not caring that she was scattering the mess further, and held the bag out to Paige. Paige took it with shaking hands, and put it up to her face. Alex tried to meet her panicked gaze, taking in slow breaths herself, as if that would somehow help.

Slowly, the bag contracted, and Paige coughed, pulling in a sharp gasp. Alex's hand reached out of it's own accord, pushing hair out of Paige's flushed face, and stroking her cheek once, briefly.

"There you go," alex encouraged, her voice slipping into the slow, soothing litany she used with her mother after a particularly bad binge. Alex found it far easier to be gentle with Paige than Emily. "That's it, just keep trying. There you go. You're gonna be all right."

It felt like an eternity, but finally, Paige pulled the bag away from her mouth. Tears were streaking down her face, and her breaths were still ragged, but consistent. "I don't," she managed, coughing hard.

"Easy," Alex murmured. "We need to get you some water." Her initial instinct was to guide Paige inside, but her posture was quickly becoming more defensive. Alex sensed that touching her might spook Paige all over again.

Paige shuttered, and dropped the bag back on top of the pile of garbage at their feet. Goosebumps covered her bare arms, and Alex yanked off her hoodie without thinking.

She reached out, wrapping it around Paige's shoulders. "It'll probably smell like popcorn," Alex mumbled, belatedly realizing exactly what she was doing. She had fantasized about Paige in many of her clothes - okay, mostly about her in **no** clothes - but never had they included a situation like this.

"I don't think i can ever eat popcorn again," Paige forced out, her voice tremulous. She fumbled with shaking fingers, finally succeeding in zipping the sweatshirt. "Thank you," she choked, peering up at Alex through wet eyelashes. "If you hadn't come outside-"

"I did come outside," Alex cut her off, the retort rough. "Why don't you go and get something to drink? I'll clean this up." She could tell that Paige wanted to be alone to collect herself, and Alex supposed she also needed a moment to regain her own composure.

Paige hesitated, then turned back toward the building. Alex hoped that for just once, Meri was actually being attentive to her job.

By the time Alex finished with the mess, the movies were due to be letting out. Paige was back behind the counter, hairnet straight and wearing her usual "how-can-I-help-you" smile. She seemed more calm than twenty minutes before, but her hands appeared unsteady. Alex silently took on the task of refilling all drinks and popcorn for the masses.

If possible, closing seemed to drag more than usual. Paige looked dead on her feet, and Alex tried several times to get her to just go home. She pretended not to hear her. Alex was secretly glad to see that spark of defiance in her eyes. It was the most animated Paige had seemed all week.

It was nearly 1:15 when Alex finished mopping the lobby floor, and she swore. She supposed she could walk to Ellie's from here, but Ellie was probably asleep.

"Do you need a ride?" Paige's voice was hoarse as she came up to Alex, adjusting her purse.

"You need to go home," Alex told her.

"So do you. I don't want you walking with all these frat guys about." Paige spat the word guys like it had a bad taste.

"Neither do I," Alex admitted, after a prideful pause.

"Where do you live, anyway?" Paige asked a minute later, as she fished for her keys. Her jacket was slung over one arm, and Alex realized, as the slight breeze hit her own exposed skin, that Paige seemed in no hurry to return her hoodie.

"Over on Crescent street," Alex mumbled, more to the hood of the car than it's owner. There was a reason she hadn't disclosed that information before.

"Why don't you just stay with me?" Paige asked, sliding into the driver seat. Alex paused with the passenger door half open. "My house is close, and I have extra pajamas."

The allure of showers were deceptive. Paige would walk around school all day feeling like she was in someone else's body. She just knew that the second she was clean, the feeling would recede, and her skin would no longer resemble a pair of too small shoes.

But once she was in the water, a sort of mania took over her fingers. She knew if she just scrubbed long enough, she would reach a layer of flesh that wasn't dirty, wasn't marred. All thought would abandon her in these instances, and before Paige realized what was happening, chunks of time would have past, and the water was growing cold.

Tonight though, she was too drained to do more than wash her hair. She slumped against the shower wall, willing the water to do what it never had before. She was clearly getting worse, and Paige just didn't know how to fix it. What kind of head case had to breathe into a used paper bag?

Not to mention, there was a stranger on the other side of the door.

Paige had no idea what she'd been thinking when she invited Alex to stay. Sure, it made sense, but it was also out of some sort of obligation. Paige didn't want to think what might have happened if Alex hadn't found her earlier. As she stepped out of the shower, ultimately feeling heavier than when she'd gotten in, Paige glanced at the pile of discarded clothes she'd left on the counter. It was only then that she noticed the faded hoodie mixed with her brightly colored blouse and crisp jeans.

god, she was even more of a bitch than usual. Paige knew perfectly well that this was the only coat-like object Alex owned. It was April, but Alex had also been outside for a good twenty five minutes late at night.

paige just hoped Alex had helped herself to her myriad of pajamas. If nothing else, she could insure the other girl was warm and comfortable while she was here. Paige was still having trouble wrapping her mind around the idea that Alex had actually accepted the offer.

Paige stepped into her connecting bedroom on a cloud of steam, wearing her winter pajamas, despite the fact she knew she would get hot during the night. She clung to her routine of getting ready for bed that she'd developed over this last week. It didn't make her feel better, but it was as close to "better" as she thought she was going to get.

"Bathroom's free," she called. Alex hadn't turned on the main light, so the only thing she had to see by was the lamp on her nightstand. Paige waited for her eyes to adjust, folding Alex's hoodie over her desk chair.

Paige finally made out the form on her bed. Alex was on her back, using one of the uncomfortable pillows her mom had picked out last summer when they'd been redecorating. One arm was curled close against her body, while the other was thrown across the unoccupied side of the mattress. Paige didn't think Alex was deeply asleep, but she was definitely the least guarded that Paige had ever seen her.

"Hey," Paige murmured, feeling almost guilty about disturbing her. Alex shifted sleepily, her head slipping off the too small pillow. "Shower's all yours," Paige continued. She turned to face her dresser, and the pajama drawer she'd left open that Alex had completely ignored. Alex wasn't that much taller than her, but Paige doubted she would be interested in wearing a nightgown.

After deliberating, Paige settled on an oversized Banting shirt that her mother had gotten for her at one of her reunions and a pair of white shorts. Alex hadn't changed positions, although now her eyes were half open. Paige tossed the clothes over her shoulder, and they landed half on top of her.

"Come on," Paige ordered in her normal tone of voice, "you are not sleeping in my bed in icky work clothes."

"What?"

"I don't know what you wear at the Nunez household, but-"

That seemed to spark some sign of life. "I can sleep on the floor."

Of course she could. She should! What was Paige doing? But her mouth was acting without her brain again. Paige was so used to forcing conversation after this last week, that talking without thinking felt like a strange luxury.

"Go get in the shower," she ordered, surprised to feel her lips quirking toward a smile. Her tone took them both by surprise, and Alex sat up, picking up the neatly folded clothes and squishing them into a ball under her arm. Paige surprised herself again by letting out a low laugh, grabbing the half asleep Alex's shoulder and steering her in the direction of the door.

It wasn't until half an hour later, when they were both in bed, lying closer than Paige had allowed herself to be with anyone, that she realized exactly what had been happening a week ago at this time.

And just like that, the strange illusion of intimacy that Paige hadn't truly experienced for anyone since Ashley was shattered.

Author's notes: I feel like, if Degrassi were the kind of show that devoted more than 22 minute episodes to character development, Paige's anxiety attacks would have manifested themselves during high school. On another note entirely, I'm toying with the idea of writing a cannon oneshot exploring how Paige's attacks came to light. It's always bothered me that Alex found out off screen, going from unable to recognize Paige was hyperventilating, to suddenly being an expert at calming her down two episodes later. But anyway, that's another tangent for another time.

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I know it's a little slow going, but this is a more character driven story, and I'm still working out where I want to take Paige.


	7. Chapter 6

Author's notes: Look, it's a rare Palex sighting! Finals are over, and I'm going to take a stab at writing this on a regular basis again. Honestly, this fic is being written for **me, so updates will most likely always be sporadic. But I promise that Brave Dancing will never be completely abandoned. The ratio of story alerts to reviews is amazing. Thank you to all of you for reading, and a special thanks to TheyCallMeOrange for being the best cheerleader ever, and talking plot with me way back on my birthday. Her enthusiasm is another huge reason this fic will eventually be finished, although possibly not until 2020.**

**Chapter Six**

"You disappoint me, you know."

"We are not having this conversation."

"Damn right we aren't, cause nothing happened to talk about." The bus lurched to an abrupt halt, throwing Ellie across the seat and into Alex side. Alex felt more than saw her wince, but when she looked down, Ellie was continuing to smirk.

"God, you're missing the point," Alex grumbled over the screeching breaks, distracted.

Ellie scooted back across the pealing vinyl seat. "I think you're just pissed that you were in her bed and were too chicken shit to try anything."

"Yes, that's exactly what went through my mind, how did you guess? God, El, she'd just had some sort of anxiety attack thing. Even if she weren't straight, sex was probably the last thing on her mind."

"We're not talking about her mind, we're talking about **your** mind."

Alex didn't dignify that with a response.

XXX

"Paige, hold on a second." A hand closed over her shoulder, and Paige couldn't stop herself from flinching away. Even though she could recognize her brother's voice anywhere, she couldn't reconcile anyone touching her from behind. She turned around to face him, pausing in the middle of the hallway. She'd been **so** close to getting through an entire day without any unwanted conversations…

"Sorry, you surprised me," she sighed, resigned. It was hard to look him in the face. She and Dylan had always been close. Paige had been the first in their family to learn he was gay, and she had grown fiercely protective, even before his thankfully anticlimactic coming out process. They didn't strictly confide in one another, but keeping her anxieties of the last week quiet had been more difficult than Paige had initially expected. It had helped that Dylan was busy, but she had been fooling herself to think she could avoid this conversation for much longer.

Dylan shifted his hockey bag higher on his shoulder, getting straight to the point. "I'm worried about you."

He had been respectful of Paige's unwillingness to talk last week. One of the drawbacks to your brother sort of dating one of your friends was that there wasn't much he didn't know about your social life. Dylan was also still on speaking terms with spinner, and Paige suspected Spinner would not have been shy of telling her brother a piece of his mind.

Given this, Paige didn't try to shake off his concerns. She had many facades, but Dylan knew them all inside out. "Dyl, really, I'm okay. Just a little stressed."

"You've been out late two weekends in a row,"

Paige scoffed. "Are **you **really lecturing **me** on keeping curfews right now?"

"Paige, I'm serious."

Paige refused to back down. Out of everything, **this** was what he was going to fixate on? "I was working both nights. You've seen a movie theater on a weekend."

"That doesn't explain last Friday. And you're still not talking with Hazel." Ah, now this was more like it.

"What does Hazel have to do with when I get home?"

"Stop avoiding the subject." Anger flared in his eyes, and Paige was strongly reminded of their father. Sometimes, it was hard to remember that Dylan was in grade twelve. Since he spent so much time with Marco, Paige often allowed herself to forget how much older he was.

Paige didn't answer, mostly because if she opened her mouth she might cry. Her emotions had been all over the place, especially since the incident at work on Friday night. The strange ease she had fallen into around Alex unsettled her, and Paige had been relieved that the other girl hadn't worked Saturday. She shook her head in an attempt to refocus on her brother, who was watching her with baleful dark eyes.

"Paige, will you just talk to me?" Paige couldn't decide whether she was relieved or regretful that the explosion of anger had ebbed away from Dylan as quickly as it had surfaced.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm just stressed right now, but it'll be fine."

"Being stressed makes you slap Spinner?"

"You don't know the whole story," Paige blurted before she could stop herself. He shouldn't be able to use that against her, it wasn't fair.

Dylan latched onto that like a leech. "Which is why I want you to tell me." He grabbed her chin, tilting her face until their eyes met. His expression was now resolute, almost pleading. Somehow, this was much more difficult to ignore. "People are talking, Paige. We're all worried." He fell silent and just gazed at her, his callused hand holding her in place.

But guys lied with their eyes, Paige knew. And even though she wanted nothing more than to have Dylan fix everything for her, the fear was stronger. Paige jerked out of Dylan's grasp, fueled by a new, desperate spark of adrenaline. It scorched a searing path through her body, causing her breath to catch and her heartbeat to double.

All she could do was stammer out a half sentence and run, exploding into the relative safety of the closest girl's restroom. It was usually empty around this time, with people scattering for home or after school activities, and she was relieved, because this would certainly give them more to talk about. Paige sagged against the row of sinks, splashing water over her burning face with clumsy fingers.

Unlike Friday, Paige was immediately able to recognize the title wave of panic as it fully engulfed her, but it didn't make the constricting of her chest or the tingling in her fingers any easier to bare. Paige was used to being in control of all aspects of her life. If there was ever a rumor circulating about her, it was almost certainly one she herself had instigated. Her friends and brother never had a reason to discuss her behind her back, and she definitely never had nervous breakdowns behind movie theaters or in school bathrooms.

Somehow, Dean was still winning. He was clogging the air in her lungs and making her limbs shake. He was the spider and she was the fly, completely immobilized.

Paige was absently aware that she was crying again, tears mixing with the handfuls of water she was pouring ineffectually over her face as cold sweat began to gather between her breasts and across her forehead. Why was it so hard to breathe, so hard to simply tell Dylan what had happened? Everything seemed insurmountable right now, and it was all her fault. From what felt like a great distance away, she heard the outer door opening. Paige slumped forward in defeat, holding onto the counter to keep herself upright. The front of her shirt was becoming damp, and she wasn't sure whether tears or water were running down her cheeks at this point. Let the rumors begin.

"Hey!" The word was like a whip across her threadbare nerves, and Paige instinctively jerked her head up in response. Somehow, she wasn't surprised to discover Ellie Nash next to her. It seemed fitting that she would be the one to find her like this. Karma really was a bitch.

Paige had no energy to defend herself, let alone to speak. Breathing itself was her main concern, and she prayed for Ellie to just get her laughing over with. Maybe she could snap a picture for the Grapevine's gossip column. That would certainly help her reputation along.

Apparently, god wasn't listening. "Take it easy," Ellie instructed in a much quieter tone, like Paige was some sort of whiled animal. She kept her eyes on Paige's face, reaching over and shutting off the water. Paige was surprised to find it easier to focus on the weight of Ellie's gaze than the tightness in her own chest. An audible breath hissed in through her lungs, and her knees nearly buckled under the relief.

Ellie's hand lighted on her shoulder for the briefest of seconds, steadying her. It was gone before Paige had time to decide how she felt about it being there.

"You wanna sit?" They both glanced down to the floor, and Paige shook her head. She thought maybe laughter might break this awkwardness, but the idea of laughter made the burning in her lungs worse. Ellie wasn't smiling, anyway.

"You don't-" Paige wasn't sure how she wanted to end her ragged sentence. Possibly "have to stay" or "need to try to be nice," but all of those attempted starts got stuck in her throat.

"It's better if you're not alone through one of these," Ellie told the space over Paige's shoulder. Her tone was matter of fact. "My mom has panic attacks sometimes. Walking can help. I think I saw your brother, I'm sure he would-"

Paige shook her head franticly. Dylan **could not** see her like this. Ellie didn't say anything, but she also didn't move toward the door. Paige swallowed down the strange, fleeting desire to say that finding Alex would be acceptable.

"These shouldn't last too long,' Ellie continued after a beat. She still wasn't looking directly at her, but Paige found that her chest was slowly loosening the less she thought about it.

"I don't know why…" Paige found herself confessing, her voice coming out wispy and raw. She imagined Ellie imitating it to Ashley over coffee later.

Finally, when she was breathing almost normally again, Paige attempted a full sentence. "I know this makes me look totally hypocritical, but don't say anything about this to…"

"I won't Tell Ash," Ellie cut in. Paige imagined she looked surprised. "It's none of her business. And it seems like you have a lot going on."

"Even you noticed, huh?" Paige bent down to splash a fresh handful of water on her face, mostly for an excuse not to look at Ellie.

"You do work with my best friend," was all Ellie had to say. Paige wondered briefly what Alex had told her. Somehow, she hadn't considered the possibility of Alex making fun of her. "For what it's worth," Ellie continued, "she's worried about you."

Then again, she hadn't considered that possibility either. What reason did tough girl Alex have to care about her ditz of a coworker. Unbidden, the surprising softness of Alex's voice from Friday night came back to her.

"Thanks for your help," Paige bit out, adjusting her bag. She had to leave. If she focused on the weight of her books, than maybe the intensity of her conflicting feelings wouldn't be so crushing.

"You should really talk to someone." The sentence brought her up short, as Paige was about to make her second cowardly escape of the afternoon. " I have a bunch of youth hotlines that I found for work, and Some are anonymous."

Something compelled Paige to turn around and look back at her. "I can't." she choked, maybe the first true thing she had admitted in over a week.

Ellie just met her gaze and nodded, like she could understand that.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Paige Michalchuk was in her seat.

Alex had been walking from the lunch line, half trailing Ashley to their usual table, when she noticed Ellie wasn't alone.

"What is **she** doing?" Ashley's words were daggers of contempt. Alex wasn't sure if the question was directed at her, but since Ashley didn't bother to look away from Paige's back when she spoke, Alex didn't bother offering up a reply.

Ashley spun away, veering across the cafeteria in the direction of Craig and Sean Cameron. Good riddance, Alex smirked to herself, curiously continuing in their original direction.

As she got closer, she saw that Paige didn't look particularly happy. Her shoulders were tense, and her hands, which usually moved in tandem with her stories, weren't visible. In her mind, Alex echoed Ashley's previous question. What was Paige doing?

Ellie looked up suddenly, catching Alex's gaze. She shook her head ever so slightly. Alex raised an eyebrow at her. Ellie raised one right back.

Shrugging, Alex dropped her lunch on the nearest empty table. As far as she knew, Ellie and Paige had never had an actual conversation. Alex got the sense Ellie didn't know how to act around her, particularly since November. Last year, in Ellie's brief, awkward stint as Marco's girlfriend, Paige had been very vocal in her distaste.

Alex had privately wondered if that had more to do with Ellie's friendship with Ashley than Ellie herself. Ellie and Marco had spent most of their relationship by themselves, rather than Marco's group of friends. Alex imagined it had given both of them peace of mind. Still, she had been glad when Ellie ended things at the beginning of this year. Marco had good intentions, but their relationship was clearly more of a strain than enjoyment.

She glanced over at her usual table once again. It looked a little less awkward now, seeing them there. She allowed herself a brief moment to imagine herself slipping in beside Paige and squeezing her fingers, as Marco had often done to Ellie. God, but she was turning into a sap. Alex unwrapped her sandwich in disgust.

"Oh my god, are you listening to Kelly Clarkson?"

Alex yanked off her headphones, but her mother's piercing giggle cutting through the wall was all the retort she needed. Alex couldn't decide what she despised more, Emily in the stages of a new relationship, or the inevitable shell of her mother when it began to deteriorate. Across her shoebox sized bedroom, Ellie made a face as she shut the door behind herself.

"I just figured I'd prepare, since you seem to be joining Prepsville." Alex smirked at her, pausing the wailing chick rock.

Ellie rolled her eyes, nudging Alex's legs off the bed and flopping down in their place. "Something's wrong with her."

"With Kelly Clarkson?." Alex promptly extended her legs back across Ellie's lap. "C'mon, I at least pretend to give your acoustic shit a chance."

"No, dumbass," Ellie shoved at Alex's sock clad feet. "She was almost hyperventilating in the bathroom yesterday."

Alex sobered, sitting up and tucking her feet under her. "Paige?"

"Yeah. I was trying to give her some hotlines, but she wouldn't listen."

Alex shifted so that she was fully facing Ellie. "Did she listen today?"

Ellie twisted the rubber band she wore around her wrist, a fixture that seemed to be more habitual than therapeutic. "Nah. She never even explained why she sat down. I don't know why I kept you away, she might have been looking for you to begin with. I just thought she might eventually ask for my help. I feel like I kinda owe her that…"

Alex extended her hand across the few scant inches of blanket between them, their usual offer of silent support. There was never any pressure for either to return the gesture, and Alex wasn't surprised when Ellie's fingers remained in her lap.

"She definitely needs something. Hell if anyone can convince her of that."

—

Lunch was the worst part of school. Paige headed toward the crush of bodies that made up the line for food, gritting her teeth against the urge to bolt. She would do this. It was not that hard.

But then she was there, almost instantly boxed in by boisterous chatting students. Happy, normal people who cared about nothing less than getting french fries, and the panic was coming up to choke her, just like that.

Paige clutched the strap of her backpack to keep from ringing her hands. In front of her, JT Yorke had started making exuberant faces, looking over every couple of seconds to make sure she was watching. Apparently, Dylan hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said people were worrying. JT and his puppy act made her stomach clench a little less. If Paige just kept watching, kept saying he was an idiot, this would be all right.

Paige knew she would have to sit at her regular table today. Dylan had apologized to her the night before, after Paige had pointedly ignored him for over twenty-four hours. Paige knew she should be the one making amends, but it was too much. Apologies would demand explanations, and then…

Paige didn't know what would happen if she actually said it out loud. She didn't think Dylan would jump to the conclusion that she must have wanted it, like Ashley and Hazel. Dylan knew her better than that. But saying it would mean Paige would have to define it, give voice to the weight of Dean's body, the twist of his fingers in her hair, the inescapable grind of his erection against her thigh…

Okay, this train of thought was not helping. Paige engaged JT in stupid conversation about nothing until it was her turn to get food. A few minutes later, with salad in hand, Paige scanned the cafeteria. Ellie and Alex were sitting together, Alex in the seat Paige had occupied the day before. She raised a hand in their direction, not sure which one she was really acknowledging. Both nodded back, which Paige supposed she shouldn't really be surprised about. She and Alex hadn't talked since early Saturday morning when Alex refused to stay for breakfast, but there had been very little post-bed sharing awkwardness.

Paige wasn't sure why she'd sat down across from Ellie the day before. Initially, it had been because Hazel and Teri were alone at their usual spot. Dylan had off campus privileges, so he and Marco would occasionally sneak in some alone time. Paige wasn't fighting with Jimmy, but she didn't know where she stood with Teri, and she didn't want to risk being rejected by the girls she used to rule over.

Ellie Nash had been eating alone, and Paige had walked over before fully considering it. Ellie had been carefully neutral the entire twenty minutes they sat together, not bringing up their encounter from the previous day. Paige had almost wanted her to mention the hotlines again. The request for a number had actually climbed up her throat to hover just behind her lips, but seeing Alex deliberately not come to sit with them had stolen Paige's courage.

Paige had assumed the other girl was avoiding her. It was a rare week where their schedules weren't overlapping, so she was now relieved to have apparently been mistaken. She gave the two a quick half smile, before continuing on across the room.

The only open seat at her table was next to Terri, who Paige had been actively avoiding. Terri was more friends with Hazel than Paige, so she had naturally assumed she would side with Hazel in their fight. Teri waved her fingers in greeting as Paige sat down, which made her spirits lift a fraction. She sent a cautious look in Hazel's direction, but the other girl kept her gaze directed at her sandwich.

Dylan was in a fierce debate with Spinner and Jimmy about Hockey across the table. Marco rolled his eyes at Paige, as Hazel leaned over to murmur a comment to a reluctant Teri. In all their previous fights, Paige and Hazel would put Teri through a kind of tug of war, using her in an effort to make the other person jealous and apologize first. But none of their fights had been as accusatory as this one, or as long-lasting.

Paige knew Hazel would accept an apology from her, but she wouldn't be as easy to placate as Dylan, who hadn't wanted their parents clued into the fact that anything was wrong. Regardless, the sting of Hazel's words were still too fresh for Paige to even consider gulping back her pride.

Paige knew she couldn't deny that something was wrong with her for much longer. But she didn't know how to face the reactions of people if she managed to convey that she truly hadn't wanted any of this to happen. The fact that Hazel had instantly believed Ashley's word over Paige had felt like a slap. Paige had assumed, especially in those first few weeks after everything happened between all of them last year, that she and Hazel shared a mutual contempt for Ashley.

Ashley, Paige and Hazel had been close friends since junior high, when they were put in a group their first week in media immersion. Teri had mostly been a tag-along, clinging to Ashley more than the rest of them. When she joined in Ashley's rejection, Paige had just assumed it was Terri's way of trying to take Ashley's place in the group.

Earlier this year, when Teri had been hurt and a tentative truce had formed, Paige had thought things between Teri and Ashley would be the most easily resolved. Apparently, things between them had run deeper than Teri simply wanting approval from the more popular girls. Even though Teri hadn't outright ignored Ashley, she wasn't especially welcoming - never one to be outdone, Ashley's interactions were just as frosty.

Thinking about their stupid dynamics wasn't helping her become anymore relaxed, and Paige spent most of the period rearranging her food. School made her too tense to eat these days, resulting in her being ravenous by late afternoon. She'd actually broken down and bought food at work the night before, she was so hungry. At the time, she was glad Alex hadn't been there to witness her frantically gulping down a hotdog.

People started to scatter as lunch began to wind down. The guys left as a whole, but Paige knew Marco and Dylan would find an excuse to slip off on their own.

Hazel got up, inclining her head to Teri. "I'll be there in a minute," Teri told her, and Hazel walked off without replying.

Paige ate a bite of cucumber, just to give herself something to do, Teri's dark eyes watching her as she chewed.

"You've been quiet," Teri didn't speak until Paige had swallowed.

"I figured…" Paige trailed off. She hated not knowing what to say, especially around Teri. She was supposed to be self assured around someone like her.

"That I was siding with Hazel?" Teri's voice hardened.

"Why wouldn't you? I called her insecure."

"And she acted like it was your fault."

"What?" Paige dropped her fork. "Don't be stupid, Teri. You must have heard what Ashley said."

"**I** heard that you slept with some guy, and that Spinner got his feelings hurt. That's all. I didn't hear anything about you wanting to do any of that."

Stunned, Paige could only shake her head. Thoughts from the last week replayed themselves in her mind, Hazel's accusations blending with Paige's own self deprecation. The insults seemed to take on a physical form, feeling like insects scuttling just beneath the top layer of her skin. Paige wanted to run, but Teri was being so calm and quiet, that she found she couldn't make her legs work.

"I know how scary it can be when guys are hurting you," Teri continued. She started to reach out a hand, then changed her mind. "I knew there was something weird about Dean from the first time he started talking to you."

"You did?" Paige asked in a half whisper. Teri's eyes were open and warm. Unbidden, the memory of their first month in grade eight surfaced..

Paige had gotten Teri drunk, under the pretense of helping her relax before their first dance of the year. She had known Teri liked Spinner, and Paige didn't like competition. Teri's eyes had been just as open, just as trusting when she'd taken that first sip of wine. It made a knot of guilt settle at the base of Paige's neck.

"I'm such an idiot," was all Paige could think to say, because she didn't know any other way to tell Teri she was sorry.

Teri's expression didn't change. "Of course you're not." She leaned sideways, hair brushing Paige's temple. "None of this is your fault."

"You don't know what happened. What I did, what I said." The last few words creaked out of her, and Paige bit the inside of her bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

"Don't think like that." The ferocity of Terri's response made Paige jerk. "If you think like that, he wins."

"I can't help it," Paige almost sobbed, though her eyes were dry.

Terri just looked at her, eyes growing glassy. Her shoulders hunched, and she shifted, angling her body away from Paige. Clearly, her mind was far from this lunch table. With those few words, Paige had been able to sweep away all of Teri's conviction. Her own power made her sick, , and Paige left the room without another word, not bothering to throw away her trash.

—

It had been a surprisingly entertaining lunch period, for the simple fact Sean Cameron was in lust with Ellie.

He had unceremoniously sat down at their table halfway through the period, lead by Craig and Ashley. Alex had proceeded to watch Sean give Ellie calculating glances over his copy of – Hamlet, while Degrassi's cheesiest emos had a rousing conversation about amp positioning.

As she walked out of the cafeteria a few paces behind the other four, Alex was intent on determining the most effective way of humiliating Ellie. Pass a note in the middle of English or comment right now, such a hard choice.

Someone decidedly not Ellie jostled her from the side, nearly causing them both to sprawl to the floor in a tangle of legs, if not for Alex's surprisingly good reflexes. Normally, she would have bodily pushed such direct contact away, but her arms came up to steady them, touching their small shoulders through a baggy sweatshirt. Alex wasn't altogether surprised to find herself nearly face to frazzled face with Paige, but the fine tremors wracking through Paige's body did give her pause.

"Hey, where's the fire, tiger?"

Paige's gaze wouldn't stay focused, but her breathing did slow, if only marginally. "Sorry." She stepped away, reaching to adjust a bag that wasn't over her shoulder. "Damn, I forgot my…"

"I'll get it."

"What? You don't even know where I was sitting."

"Paige, you sit in the same place every day. Just go get a drink or something."

"I – didn't sit there yesterday." The barest hint of recrimination crept into her tone, and for a second, Paige almost sounded like her usual, confident self. "I'm not the only one who's predictable."

Paige hadn't added her usual smirk to that last remark, so Alex didn't allow herself to rise to the bate. bickering with Paige was one of her favorite facets of their relationship, but she had no desire to get into another confusing argument. "I'll be there tomorrow. C'mon, one of us should be on time for Kwan."

Paige didn't bother trying to argue, shooting Alex a smile that was as close to genuine as she seemed able to get these days. Alex found herself doubling back the way she had come.

God, she didn't have a chance at mocking Ellie when she was this whipped.

Author's notes: I have literally been trying to write this chapter for over a year, and I'm still not completely satisfied with it. Huge, huge thanks to TheyCallMeOrange for betaing, and for giving me invaluable suggestions.


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